It’s really hard learning how to be a parent.
You can buy all of the parenting books ever written, but nothing will ever prepare you for when the real thing happens to you. As much as you might have wished for it or planned for it, becoming a parent will turn your world completely upside down from the moment a baby enters the world and there is absolutely no time whatsoever to get your balance or collect your thoughts.
You have to just roll with it and pretty much wing it from the start.
I had sparkly visions of my becoming the so-together parent. I’d have schedules and routines down to a fine art. Life would be oh-so-rosy and we’d all live happily ever after in our perfectly organised and tidy bubble of bliss.
Almost two and a half years since becoming a Mumma and I’m still torturing myself because no matter how hard I try to catch that bubble, it’s always blowing way to fast in my opposite direction for it to be obtainable. It’s only slowly dawning on me that I can’t catch it because the bubble isn’t real.
I simply feel like a Complaints Department
I’ve had some really, really low days since becoming a parent. I’ve mostly put it down to the fact that you both don’t sleep very well. Hardly at all in fact which is something I will be reminding you both of for the rest of my life. Sleep deprivation and the sheer weight of responsibility for two demanding little babies can take its toll on a person.
There are days when I simply feel like a Complaints Department. When you both tag team outbursts and demands. Just as I settle one, the other starts to pipe up and some days this game of who can make Mummy crack first is seemingly endless. There’s no clocking off at 5pm and back again the following morning. The long, endless days and permanent sleep deprivation aren’t a good mix.
It becomes hard to see the good things around you. It’s harder to be happy when your face is oh so tired. Of course, we have a lot of good times in between the foggy days and I want to remember it all.
I’ve always taken the honest approach
Since becoming a parent I’ve always taken the honest approach. I thought that it was perhaps only me who was completely blown away by this new life. The only one who was struggling and drowning in the chaos and exhaustion that I was being engulfed with on a daily basis. But that couldn’t be further from the truth.
Most of this is normal, although your sleep issues are way up the not-so-normal spectrum, the rest of it is considered normal. It just depends on how you choose to deal with it and I chose to write about it. It’s not only helped me but others too who have reached out to me over the last few years and thanked me for sharing my honest account of parenting. It’s the reason I’ve continued to write even when I have little time and energy to do anything for me and it’s the reason I’m writing you these letters.
As mothers, we are notorious for not giving ourselves enough credit. We spend too much time focusing on the pitfalls. Not enough time on the blooming brilliant things we achieve pretty much all day every day. So it’s up to us to keep reminding each other.
I want to tell you everything
You are both my greatest achievement in life, but also my greatest challenge and don’t believe that this journey ever gets easier. We’ll be learning and winging it together as the years go by and I hope more than anything that life allows me to continue being the best Mumma I can be to you both. So I’m going to tell you everything, whilst I remember it.
Which is why I’ve decided to write you both a letter as often as you’ll let me. Letters that will be reminders for me, pieces of advice and little anecdotes for you both someday. They will be honest and raw because I want to remember these days. I’m pretty sure that as time goes on you forget a lot of the baby days. As much as forgetting the hard days appeals to me in my exhausted state, I want to remember them for your sake.
I want to make sure that I remember these feelings and that someday when you are hopefully Mummies yourselves, I’ll be able to support you as best I can. To help take the weight of the responsibility that is motherhood. To reassure you that even though there will be some days when it doesn’t feel like, I promise to always, always remind you that you are doing an amazing job.
Until next time,
Your Mumma x x