The Lesson That I knew Was Coming…

Last week I hit a wall in the shape of a lesson that I knew was well and truly on its way. I just didn’t know when it was coming.

After being hit with the flu a month ago, I never really allowed my body to fully recover. What parent ever really has time to properly recover? From the moment you can stand again for longer than a minute, you’re back on feet. Picking up the pieces with the efficiency of a deranged penguin trying to get your crazy busy lives back on track pronto.

For weeks, I’ve been pretending that I was fine. That it was just the aftermath of the flu that was making me feel really ugh. When I really knew that deep down that something more horrible was brewing.

I Was Hoping For A Spa Break

Nevertheless, I plodded on with life. Then whilst visiting my parents for the day down by the coast last, a sore throat that had come on the previous day took a turn for the worse.

One phone call to 111, a trip to the nearest A&E and a load of tests later, we discovered that Tonsiltus scarily turned into Qunicy. Leaving me struggling to breathe and fighting an infection that had spread to my blood. They then had to drain my tonsils to help clear the infection and help me to breathe properly again.

In an ideal world I was hoping for a spa break. Instead, I landed myself a week in a hospital. Hooked up to fluids, antibiotics, steroids and anti-sickness tablets, as well as a heart machine to monitor my breathing.

It wasn’t pleasant.

But the whole time I was there the one thing I kept thinking was that I wasn’t surprised that I was here.

I’d Forgotten How To Look After Myself

After years of no sleep and little recovery after two births. A house renovation, sod all drawbridges insight, career woes, money worries and a whole load of really tough times thrown in the mix, meant that this Mummy hasn’t taken care of herself at all in about four years.

I’ve honestly forgotten how to look after myself.

There’s always something to do. Something else that needs my attention, but rarely is that something to do with me.

Like a tower block of Jenga bricks falling on top of me, the realisation that I really that I need to start putting myself first more hit me hard. Each block symbolised all of the things I didn’t do for myself anymore, whilst I’d been so consumed with my experience of motherhood.

Nothing I Do Is For Me Anymore

Even whilst brushing my teeth, I’m getting out outfits for the girls. I plan our meals and to-do lists whilst washing my hair. I don’t move enough. Let alone exercise, except for tidying or doing the housework and I haven’t read a proper book in years. One chick flick a year doesn’t count, especially for someone who used to run a book club.

I hardly leave the house for fresh air or a change of scenery. Unless it’s doing the nursery run or a trip to Aldi. The play dates, coffee catch ups and adult conversations have become less and less frequent now that I’m not on maternity leave anymore and I’m pretty much working for myself.

Even when the Hubster has gone to bed, I’d gotten into a really, really bad habit of not bothering to go to sleep when the girls were actually sleeping. I’d think of it as my time, but it wasn’t my time. It was time spent folding washing, working or stressing. Scrolling on my phone endlessly for hours on things that would never benefit my life or my mind in any way- only hinder it.

It’s Time To Change

When things change inside you,

Things change around you

I knew that over time I was emerging myself deeper and deeper into a rut of self-neglect. But with each and every busy all-consuming day, it became easier to ignore. Easier to accept that this was my life now. Over time I’ve honestly forgotten how to look after myself and enjoy other things in life. Things that don’t revolve around my children, my family and our home life.

But I’m going to try and remember and work on this whole self-care notion. Starting with sleep and an earlier bedtime routine, I hear that’s a good place to start. In my own bed too, as I don’t fancy a stay in a hospital one again any time soon ever.

Any tips on how to practice good self care would be very much appreciated…!

4 Comments

  1. Heather Crawford
    March 8, 2019 / 10:23 pm

    Hope you feel better soon.

    We all need to remember to have a bit of ‘me time’

    It’s not selfish its needed!!

    Love the blog

    • katie
      Author
      March 11, 2019 / 1:09 pm

      Thank you so much lovely. We absolutely do, I used to be really good at it and I want to get back to that place where I set a good example to my littles that taking care of ourselves isn’t selfish at all, it makes us happier, healthier and more productive as a result. Hope you are well sweets, lots of love and thank you for your support xx

  2. March 12, 2019 / 9:31 am

    I would say put me time in some form FIRMLY on your to-do list every day. If you aren’t right nothing will go right. ..and get to bed with a book and leave your phone downstairs. Sleep is vital. Take care love – you are just as important as everyone else in your family xxx

    • katie
      Author
      March 14, 2019 / 10:51 am

      Such a good idea Becky. I always leave me until the end of the day then I can’t even be bothered to run a bath. Thank you so much for your advice and support, it is very much appreciated. Hope you are well lovely xx

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